Cowboy Enthusiast Gifts

"Next Christmas, I drive the cattle, you go see Mom."

"Yes, I can help you with your loan questions. I'm the loan arranger."

'No kidding? When I was a boy I wanted to grow up to be an accountant too!'

'Just so you know . . . when that gate opens, I'm going to stop, drop, and roll. Big time.'

'I don't know about you, Clyde, but I'm getting a mighty uneasy feeling we could be riding straight into an ambush interview!'

"Say your prayers, liturgies, Tefilah, Daily Salat, Sacred Mantra, Ritual Incantation or the secular affirmation of your choice, Varmint!”

'Cause I'm a cowboy in a steel pen I hiiiiide and I'm wanted grilled or stir-friiiiied!'

"I broncobust and I Dust-Bust. You got a problem with that?"

'Good news! Your cholesterol is the very, very bad kind!'

"Tell us again how you took five thousand head out to Kansas City and made it back in time to pick up the kids from gymnastics."

"Alright, if Outlaw A is 6 foot 2, 220 punds and Outlaw B is 6 foot 4, 245 pounds, is Town C in fact big enough for the both of em?"

'I'm out of silver bullets again, Tonto -- take my mask and hold up another stagecoach.'

'I'm wearing it because you said you were going to teach us how to draw.'

'For the last time. First we catch out man, then we go on a wine tour.'

"You'll find them a very friendly tribe."

The Cone Ranger

"I take it this means Westerns are making a comeback."

'They're using honey to draw us out! Fortunately, they underestimate our willpower.'

I'm Ok, You're Ok Corral

'Stranger, I'm giving you until sundown to get off my foot.'

'You're awfy easily provoked, are you no?' 'Them's fightin' words!'

"An accountant? No son of mine is going to be an accountant! You'll be an octopus wrangler like your old man, and like it!"

Cowboy reading letters at opticians spell YEEHAAA!

Saloon Selectives

'Can we skip to the part where I charge with a light saber?'

Though near death, Zeke took comfort in knowing that his Vitamin D level had never been higher."

"Decaf. They can't be far away."

Noisy Neighbours.

... then a rattlesnake popped up and spooked the horses. They started running uncontrollably! We were speeding toward the canyon rim and just about to plunge thousands of feet when I yanked on the reins and loudly yelled a command to the horses! We stopped with only inches to spare! There goes Ernie again -- telling his tale of "whoa!"

"This apartment ain't big enough for the both of us."

'Let's see.. Amarillo? Armadillo? Alamosa? Albuquerque -- don't tell me now, I've almost got it....'

'You yellow bellied pansy!'

"This is where our trails divide, Luke. You have my E-mail address, right?"

Happy Trails: "That's Sibelius, what an hombre."

"Let's see. 12 bald cures, 15 back hair removal ads, and 27 male enhancement ads. That's pretty much it."