Covid Safety Gifts

"It's part of our new workplace ventilation system." (man at desk with a large vent pipe over his head)

Please Donnybrook Responsibly.

"When I was a lad life was DANGEROUS, I remember once getting the 145 to Walthamstow WITHOUT A MASK!"

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Man using to much bug spray

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

Bench Press Accident

The new normal

On the brink.

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Moses holds up new federal regulation guidelines.

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

'It's okay, there's a trampoline under the snow.'

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."