Cover-to-cover Conversationalist Pillows

"I'm talking so much about books I haven't read I feel like I'm back in publishing."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

Annual run-off at the mouth.

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Crow and fox

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

Snow is falling...

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

Jokes machine.

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

The Algonquin Round Table