Courtside Fanatic Gifts

'You're right. These are great seats."

I love Lawyers

TV jester.

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

'Popovitch, nobody laughed about you until you fell off the ladder and got trampled down by the elephants. I want you to do that every evening.'

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

"Someone should have warned you - he doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

RBG, RGB, CMYK

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"I've heard a lot about you - all nutty, of course."

Criminal Stupidness

There's no such thing as "The Fruit Basket Defense." By any chance, are you referring to "The Fruit of the Poisonous Tree"? That's evidence that was obtained by an illegal action and must be considered inadmissible. Yeah! What you said!!!

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

'The bouquet is reminiscent of rubber nose - but then, it always is...'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

Judge

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"It was a crime of passion, not the defendant's offense, out verdict."

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'