Courtship Humorist Pillows

"You'll never catch me! Not without arms!"

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

Always Compatible

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation