Courtship Comedians Mugs

'You need to do more than rustle your plumage, sir, to woo me.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

"That was Copernicus on the phone – he says you're NOT the centre of the universe!"

Toothbrush Romance

"He was into feet, but, unforunately, not duck feet."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'How much would you take off for cash?'

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

'man trouble? What you need is a big piece of cake.'

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

"He was a rescue."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'