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Subpoena-of-the-Month Club

I accidentally hit her on the head, 16 times!

Trial by Media

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"We won!"

"Now that's a win."

Barristers

Sue the Author 3PM

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"They're class action figures."

Robert Macaire as a Solicitor

Sue The Bastards

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."