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'It;s Medieval Times Week here at the courthouse, so I'm afraid that instead of getting probation, you'll be drawn and quartered.'

Trial by Media

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"We won!"

I love Lawyers

Barristers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

Sue the Author 3PM

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Now that's a win."

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"#notguilty."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"We make crime pay."

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."