Courtroom Competitor Gifts

'It's all very well trainees learning in a classroom setting...'

"I just love that new class action lawsuit smell."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

I love Lawyers

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

RBG, RGB, CMYK

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

Criminal Stupidness

'You'll make lots of money and eat a little caca... that's what attorneys do.'

'Brain surgery, right?'

There's no such thing as "The Fruit Basket Defense." By any chance, are you referring to "The Fruit of the Poisonous Tree"? That's evidence that was obtained by an illegal action and must be considered inadmissible. Yeah! What you said!!!

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

Judge