Courtroom Competitor Pillows

'It's all very well trainees learning in a classroom setting...'

"I just love that new class action lawsuit smell."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

I love Lawyers

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

Criminal Stupidness

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

Judge

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'Brain surgery, right?'

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

'You'll make lots of money and eat a little caca... that's what attorneys do.'