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War Correspondent

Danger-zone journalists.

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Who I played in Summer Stock.'

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

Daughters at Bedtime

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"A homeless person ate my homework."

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

The new boy was teased for being different.

'Who else have I written for? Ridge Park Avenue, 7th Street, Elm Road, Thornwood Drive...'

Crafty Beer: "I'm making a scrapbook of when you were still fermenting."

'Have you ever thought about doing a children's book?'

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."

'It's a reinterpretation of the 'Christmas Carol'...but with a 'Vampire vs Werewolf' contemporary take on the story.'

"We have sparkling and still, but I'll have to ask if we have black."

"This big eraser? It's for graphic novels."

"Hey I know, let's play bored kids hanging around after school."

"Constructive criticism? It says I can't write my way out of a paper bag, and you call it constructive criticism."