Country Wanderer Gifts

Drunken Man on the Moors

Country man asking stern policeman for directions

On no account trample growing crops - or cause annoyance to farm animals.

'I'd kill for concrete.'

"Ahhh... close enough."

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

'We look for a new drug, we find a virus - we look for a new virus, we find a drug...'

Support Group for a Good Problem

'Life is great' down on the farm.

Sausages.

"What road do you want to dart across today?"

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Why can't you admit you're lost?'

"It seemed like miles to me!"

Sport Utility Boot.

Hither and Yon sign

"Where the wild things were."

"I warned you about the recoil on that one."

"Oh, honey, look! Just under that candy bar wrapper, next to the empty Bud Light can and to the left of the plastic bag... a salamander!"

Toivola Jones and the Search For Spring.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Amusement Park Fun (Country Style).

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

A man in a car waits for a large herd of cows to cross the road; once they have crossed he finds a cow sitting in the passenger seat of his car.

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

Walkers

Fred's Canadian caribou hunt goes from bad to worse.

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."