Counseling Buff T-Shirts

'If he wants your opinion... I'll give it to him!'

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

Licensed Therapist

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

Jean-Paul Sartre

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"War is hell and so is this soup."