Cough-and-laugh Expert Gifts

'No, you should not get ready to ascend the throne. It's just a head cold.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

"Fruity nose, hints of wild cherry, soothing on the palate, goes well with cough and cold."

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

King and Jester

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

Medical Cabinet

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

No offense, Doctor, but I'm feeling kinda rushed.

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

Now a procedure! Someone suggest a procedure! Surgery at the Improv.

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

"Open mike night"

'You are here' T-shirt,

Kid has pot stuck on his head.

'Oh dear, it looks like the men have been talking about work again.'

'Noah's wife is allergic to cats.'

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

"Gesundheit!"

"It's just the milk talking."

"Everytime he sticks his finger down his throat, he tells a joke."

Isaac Newton's brother, Bobo, discovers levity.

I think we need to move to your usual four o'clock appointments to earlier in the day, Al. I find that every time I see you at four, I feel the need for cocktail hour at five.

Ross Noble

Fish Pedicure

'Summited Mount Everest, did you? Was that just the one time?'

Parroting

'Stop complaining - you only get a horse if you're delivering first class mail.'

"Can you do any other impressions, apart from; John, your milkman?"