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"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'She'll never look for me here.'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'Now that's Real TV!'

Starvation Watching

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you sit through overtime?"

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

Lockdown Brain

"That's Reubens, he's an alternate lifestyle coach."

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

Happy Brithday

'I don't care how comfortable you feel with me. This reels weird for a first date.'

'My arms are getting shorter.'

... And by the end of the first quarter of the game, the famous 'Man Cave' was completely deserted.

"Yeah, I've put on a lot of weight, but my master's favourite command is "sit, sit, sit!" I barely ever get to exercise..."

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

Advanced Zen for Couch Potatoes: Earl becomes One with his Lazy-Boy.

"I'm watching the hockey game. The score is 4 nothing for the Zamboni driver."

'What a Summer of Sport, eh?'

Snooker cue changes the channels on tv.

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

"10,000 steps...just answering doorbells."

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

'He does what he wants - I blame that new manager, Mourinho!'

"If yer a potato, I'm a potato."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

"I want to be so successful that it ruins my life."

Our hero rounds the bases to the bathroom, refrigerator, cupboard and slides safely into home!