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'He does what he wants - I blame that new manager, Mourinho!'

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you sit through overtime?"

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

Man watching football on T.V. in armchair made of beer cans.

'I don't care how comfortable you feel with me. This reels weird for a first date.'

Lockdown Brain

"Yeah, I've put on a lot of weight, but my master's favourite command is "sit, sit, sit!" I barely ever get to exercise..."

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

Snooker cue changes the channels on tv.

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

'Maybe he'll start to move again after the world cup!'

"Honey, grab me a seal from the freezer will ya."

Yawn

Use it or lose it.

"I'm inspired to try to run a marathon."

"I know it looks like he’s doing nothing, but he’s very busy in his head."

We never go out anymore.

"If only we could stay home and TiVo the Carlsons."

"I'm thinking of installing some strobe lights to make it look like he's moving."

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

'Very good, Now ten more reps...and a one, and a two and ...'

'Actually on a molecular level, I'm quite active.'

'I tried jogging once, but it frothed up my beer.'

Runner thinking about sleeping.

"Let's get married in the morning...then if it doesn't work out, we haven't blown the entire day."

"You have your national pastime and we girls have ours!"

"Go on catch up and find out what we slept through."

"I'm not sure. He either disappeared during 'Days Of Our Lives' or 'General Hospital'."

"Don't think of yourself as a football widow. Think of me having a football mistress."

'That's his personal trainer.'