Couch Dweller Pillows

'Why would you need GPS? Have you suddenly forgotten how to get from the couch to the refrigerator?'

'There's nothing worth watching on TV, but he's not going to let a little thing like that stop him.'

'Don't say I never did anything for you.'

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

"Everyday I take a lap around the house. . . usually hers."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

Marshmallows

In case of emergency, break glass.

Big screen TV.

Camping-Pong

Camping holidays in the British summer.

"It's smells so good, but why do you have to wait so long?!"

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

"Come and get it!"

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

Reverse Mortgage.

'Oh dear, what a shame - It's raining again, Pam!'

Wifi whore

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

Student Food Pyramid

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

What makes us Canadian? It's in our DNeh!

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

The weightless office.

'Bring me the Wimbish report and a short worm, Ms Perkins, no time for lunch today.'

'I've noticed that no matter how busy you are, you are never too busy to stop an talk about how busy you are.'

Full work boxes: 'IN and MORE IN'.