Couch Comfier Gifts

'Sorry, Tarquin can't come to the phone right now...'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"I'm still looking for the lap of luxury."

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'She'll never look for me here.'

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

Unconditional Loveseat

"I wish I could lay there all day watching funny cat videos..."

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

(I'm afraid someone is going to expose me as a phony, a fraud, … A complete charlatan.) (Uh, oh! He's on to me!)

'Frankly, I don't see a problem. By its very nature inherited wealth entitles you to be second-rate.'

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

'It's called doctor-patient confidentiality. In layman's terms, you're paying me to keep my mouth shut.'

Exercise vs Laxative.

"There's the remote!"

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

'I don't migrate any more. The satellite dish has made the long winter nights quite bearable.'

"You've searched every streaming site there is and the best you can come up with is Gilligan's Island?"

"When I was your age, I was a lot older."

Cat Dreams.

'I'm afraid to ask.'

"Comfy?"

Dog cradles bone, baby cradles blanket, boy cradles teddy bear and father cradles TV remote.

'Hon...Why do we have tumbleweed rolling across the living room floor?' 'That's not tumbleweed...The dog is shedding again.'

'He's part Great Dane and part couch potato.'

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

"The heat of the flames on my feet makes me feel thankful my feet aren't on fire."

'The Degeneration Game'

"I don't want to sound simplistic, but I think a smaller couch with fewer throw pillows would help this marriage a lot."

'I've been talking to my imaginary friend Carlos about this, and he thinks you're the wrong doctor to treat my delusional syndrome.'

"Have you seen my onesie?"

"I'm knackered trying to keep tabs on the potential consequences of the away goal rule!"

Colin believed in being ready for any sporting occasion