Cost-of-living Fighter Gifts

'With the price of petrol, I had to take on a second job to pay for the petrol to drive to my first job!'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Tangled Earphones Support Group.

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

Damn. Out of quarters again for the Pay Electron Microscope.

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

Police Shootings: Searching for justice

Man with Sword in Penholder

"After giving them the runaround for five minutes, pass them on to anger management."

"Health professionals prepare syringes for another intense vaccination day."

We're working on a cure for funding cuts.

'I think they've taken stealth technology as far as it can go.'

'I may be 40 years old, but I have the student debt of a 20 year old.'

Solar Storm Expected!

'I tell you, since we bought this hybrid, I really feel we're doing our part for the environment!'

Patience Tested While You Wait.

"Would you like your paycheck sent directly to your mortgage holder, your oil company or your health insurance provider?"

Self Checkout

"Formula for the new product?" "No, that's our grant going down the drain!"

"Yes, I know what's going on in the world. That's still no excuse for my Internet being down all day."

Graduation Bill.

'I wanted to be a fighter pilot. But I'm colour blind. What can you do?'

"In the last few months, Matthew has gone on twenty-four-hour alert for signs of aging."

You're getting cheaper, Armstrong. I'm getting more efficient. It's the American way. Businesses have to keep growing profits to satisfy their investors. The innovative entrepreneur finds ways to grow sales while constantly cutting costs. By giving customers used straws. They're broken in.

"So, what's the problem? I've had an energy crisis for years...!"

"Have you tried doing the thing you just told me you tried?"

'Doing a degree? No, I'm trying to book a train ticket.'

"My family has no idea what my personality would be like without yoga."

'What's this bank charge of £35?'

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

'Wow, I really feel better already!'

"The price is up again? I hadn't noticed."

"I think it's our gas bill."