Cost Controller Gifts

"...Instead of raw, how would you like your egg tepid?"

Rocket Launch Control Centre Back in 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1

"Why do you need so many computers?" "One for billing, one for stock control, one for human resources, one for financial management..."

'I'd like to explain my ideas for economy within the company.'

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

STRIP Hambone: Sucidal computer over company balance sheets

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

"Yow! Thank goodness you've kept costs on a short leash!"

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

"We re cutting back on overhead."

"I'm aware that you brought a high-powered agent...are you aware that this job pays $26,382 and nine cents per year?"

Houston, we've just found those lost socks people talk about...

"Don't think of yourself as just another small cog in a vast bureaucratic machine.. but rather as a quite important cost centre."

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

'I've saved a bundle on cubicles. I only hire mimes who do that invisible wall thing.'

"Boss, I have a suggestion for you that's win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums... If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life."

'It's so expensive because it doesn't do as much as other computers and it's harder to use.'

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go...we've just sourced somebody in Mumbai who's 34% better at being you for 29% less!'

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

"We're cutting costs now, so get rid of the petting zoo."

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

Accountant sings the blues

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'