Cosmos Comedian Pillows

Trump has his finger on the button....

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Houston, we have a problem."

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

God Sneezes Out Creation

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'You caught it, you gut it!'

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

Clown God

'Gravity...Go figure!'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

The Origins of Everything

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

Science fiction fans on other planets

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'