Cosmopolitan Joker T-Shirts

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Joust Sharpener

"How fresh is the calamari?"

Get crazy once in a while

"Is it true Dad...is the Earth really made of bleu cheese?"

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Hey, Baby! How would you like to kiss the frog formerly known as 'Prince'?'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Spontaneous Kombucha

Wind turbine and leaf blower.

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"Put out the Asian sates, the Russian blinis, and the Mexican bean dips, while whip up something Korean."

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'

'Did you check the glove compartment? -- maybe you left the keys in there.'

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

Pole Star

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

"Out, damn'd Spot, out I say! Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

"I'll give you a big wet kiss.. "

Sunshine and exercise. Are you glad I suggested we go for a walk?

Astronaut sees cell tower on the moon.

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

'The most moving part, for me, is when they explain how to fuse the main pipe to the power hose.'

Man playing with echos: 'Hellooooo...How are you....I love you...' 'I'm not ready for that kind of committment!'

'Good book?'

Keats's heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains his sense.