Cosmic Comedy Fan Gifts

'Ooh, look! A shooting star. Make a wish.'

Breaking news! The Hubble telescope has just detected a rogue planet the size of Venus, plummeting through the asteroid belt. Its gravity is pulling Ceres and several dozen mountain-sized asteroids along with it. NASA believes their combined gravity will be enough to pull Mars and the moon along with them as they scream past earth and plummet into the sun. There will only be one place on earth that won't be utterly devastated by gravimetric forces. Find out where that is later in this broadcast.

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

Heaven Security Checks.

It is said there is a black hole in the middle of the galaxy. But heaven knows what it looks like!

'I found twelve hostile life forms. Several of them are fairly close to you.'

Extraterrestrials Watchers Club.

'I come from. . . URANUS!'

"My tectonic plates itch!"

First encounters of the awkward kind.

"Thank you, guys! Finally I don't have to spend Christmas with the annoying family."

Parallel Universe Parking

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

Dr. Roo.

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"Don't be sad, Bud. These decisions are so political."

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

First Contact

"Ready. Aim. Pew! Pew!"

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

'Sir, we're receiving a signal from space. It might be a candidate for possible intelligent alien life!' 'Nice going you ninny, you butt-dialled Earth! Now they're going to know we exist!'

"It all seems a bit munch of a munchness."

'They're out there, they swallow your stuff, and who're you gonna call?'

"Thank you earthlings, without your space junk we would be nothing."

"Whoa. Have you lost weight, professor?"

"With the whole world in NATO, we won't have to take any more crap from Mars."

'Can you believe it? - This hayseed doesn't even know which GALAXY we're in!'

"It is called A Night to Remember. It portrays a ritual mating dance from the early 21st-century."

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

Man Reading story 'U.F.O. Sighted' with alien peeking over his shoulder.

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.