Cosmic Joke Fan Gifts

"I think we walked into the wrong bar."

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

"Not now, Oliver."

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"You know that moon was passed a minute ago?..."

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

It is said there is a black hole in the middle of the galaxy. But heaven knows what it looks like!

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

First Contact

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Cosmonaughty

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

"If small stars keep planets in line, what do big stars do?"

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

"Whoa. Have you lost weight, professor?"

"Thank you earthlings, without your space junk we would be nothing."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"With the whole world in NATO, we won't have to take any more crap from Mars."

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

"Is that it? Is that the Grand Unified Theory?"

'I've had a toothache for the last million light years, take me to your dentist.'

The First Man to Ride the Moon

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

"Be realistic, how can lumps of rock zooming around in space affect our lives down here?"

"What am I, chopped liver?"

'Don't sweat it - We grade on the curve.'