Cosmic Aficionado T-Shirts

As space walking astronaut vacuums dust particles: 'Houston, we see to have the cosmic dust problem under control.'

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

'Upon entering the rain forest...' 'Thousands of unknown species, and we can fool around with the genes of every one of them.'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

Welcome to the moon cafe and gift shop...

"We evolved from asteroids"

"Cthulhus, sir. Thousands of 'em."

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

Graduation Speech.

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

The Big Tipper

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Do you realize that you and I have it in our power to cause quite a brouhaha?'

'Look! There's a Zyzzkzkk!'

"God, I HATE this planet..!"

"Papi, will you play build-a-model-rocket-so-we-can-calculate-acceleration-rates-and-thrust-levels-for-maximum-payload with me? Please?!"

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

"Wow! You do have a triple A membership!"

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

Space shuttle helping to unlock the secrets of the universe.

'Well, at least it has bubbles.'

"It could never work between us."

"I've been supporting life for billions of years! You'd think they'd be supporting themselves by now!"

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

Dept of Probability: Maybe, Possibly, Perhaps.

"We've all said things about heliocentricity that look bad when taken out of context."

Peer-reviewed journal publication.