Cosmetic Surgery Aficionado Pillows

"I got a nose job last summer." "I decided to do my lips and cheekbones." "This isn't even my real head."

Jumble Sale

'She had a boob job halfway through the sitting!'

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

COWS: Wax lipped cow

'Implants - false mammary syndrome!'

"Before we perform your facelift, we need to remove the old one."

"You call that having a little work done?"

"What do you think? I've had an eye lift."

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

Meanwhile in Hollywood

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"I don't like your application."

"No, Doris, not implants!"

Do you think I'm sixty?

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

'You need to do something about your dry skin.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

'Here's the name of my cosmetic brain surgeon. He make you look smarter.'

'You do Botox?'

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

"Do you have anything that can help remove dark circles from under my eyes?"

"I don'y know who did her, but when she laughs the wrinkles go in very weird directions."