Correspondent Gifts

"We go now to our White House correspondent... Jim? Jim?"

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

Express Drugs Correspondant - 'I bought a nice pot plant to brighten up the office.'

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

Journalist with a 'Press Pass' being put in a laundry press.

"I'm a TALKING HEAD for a major news agency!"

"Every time I close my correspondence with 'warm regards' I feel a little creepy."

This year, more than 20 journalists were killed...

"Hey! That news anchor just said something completely unbiased. I wonder what brought THAT on?"

"The good news today is that there is no news."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Gay Times...

Press Freedom

Difference of Opinion

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

A little bird told me...

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

'He was a great writer'

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

Newspaper suicide.

'Hey!! What gives, there's nothing but a bunch of squiggly lines on this newspaper.'

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Reporter #6: television.

Turkey, present day...

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"