Congressional Correspondent Gifts

Jacqueline Alemany

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

Press Freedom

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

The wind catches Congressman Blowviatt's jerkin.

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

Best Seller in Washington D.C.: Politics for dummies

'We spend a lot, borrow a lot, tax a lot. It keeps things from getting boring.'

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

"I will answer anything but questions."

CONGRESS, 'It was a really tight race this time -- I had to use some of my campaign contributions for CAMPAIGNING!'

"What's your position on the Strait of Hormuz?"

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

Freedom of Speech

Beware of the Legislation

'This year there's a bi-partisan effort in Congress to keep things as partisan as possible.'

If Watergate Happened Now the Press Would Be Too Busy Reporting on Tweets

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

'I saw my shadow this morning, so I guess we're in for six more weeks of government gridlock.'