Corporate Wit Lovers Gifts

"This position has become very important to the company."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

Office pics on dinner table.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'Yes, can I help you?'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"It lost a little something in translation."

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."