Corporate Team Pillows

"Paintballing is great for team development."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Welcome to the Team

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

CEO du Jour

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."