Corporate Coach Pillows

"And this is the alternative 'non teamwork' approach to resolving the problem!"

Keys to Success: Focus, Alertness, Concentration...

Motivational backup speakers

Carrots on sticks wardrobe.

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'What I enjoy most, is bossing people around!'

"Yeah! Okay you guys - let's do this!"

"If I have seen further, it is only because I have sat on the shoulders of idiots."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Businesswoman Empowerment

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"