Corporate Trainer Pillows

"For God's sake, Edwards. Put the laser pointer away."

Communication Breakdowns

Effective communications

Before Corporate Training/After Corporate Training

'Almost finished.'

'I'm confident that with the right mix of role-playing exercises and prescription medication we'll make a cohesive team.'

'Apparently many companies experience problems including: a lack of direction, poor accountability, lack of respect among members, pushing personal agendas, poor communication ...'

'I'm afraid you'll have to work late tonight, I want you to attend this talk on work-life balance.'

'Mr Frimley, sir, can I have a word about the motivational artwork...'

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

'It has to be understandable, Higbe. A code of ethics is not actually to be written in code.'

'That's not bad. But most of the other consulatnats gave us mission statemens with more detail.'

"The meeting's at 10. I'll send you a copy of the agenda, the hidden agenda and your personal agenda."

'Why do it the easy way when you can do it the right way?'

'Of course, the first rule of effective management is active participation.'

I need someone who'll ask the tough questions, no matter how risky.

Management self help books: "He's staring at me, do you think he's having some kind of seizure?" "Managing negotiations chapter 3, 'maintain eye contact whilst reinforcing image of strength and warmth'"

'But you have to admit management's commitment to quality is working.'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"How's my presentation? Call 1-800-..."

'I'm going to train you to 'Confront Difficult People'... okay, raise your hands if you're a difficult person.'

'You'll like it here, Clayton. In fact it's one of our rules.'

CEO decides to enroll the board in an apology workshop.

'That's part of out in-house, stress management program...'

"Come in, Timpson. I'd love to hear your opinions of the new marketing strategy - so long as they don't clash with mine."

'Unfortunately when our last window of opportunity opened up, we mistakenly crawled out of it rather than into it.'

'A touch less rigour on the feedback next time, Stephen.'

'As team-building exercises go I've seen worse.'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

Bo're'droom

'And this is our strategic planning department...'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"I've discovered a sinister side to employee empowerment. It's called accountability!"