Corporate Coaching Pillows

Belief and Trust.

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Businesswoman Empowerment

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Others will fight for you

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."