Corporate Politics Critic Gifts

'I didn't get the salary increase, but I've been moved one parking space closer to the entrance.'

"We had to hire a replacement while you were gone. What? You never left?"

"My credo is 'If you fail to plan, you're planning to fail."

A woman's glass ceiling is a man's glass floor.

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Spot the difference.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

Lethal Presentation

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

Satya Nutella

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'