Corporate Politicking Aficionado Gifts

"Swinging into action is the easy part. It's the waiting that gets you."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Sir Winston Churchill

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Water company bonus.

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

Thesaurus Company

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

Scapegoat of the Year

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"You're a shark! You're a killer! Nothing can stop you! Now get back in that boardroom and apologize."

"Wait -- I have an app that creates a napkin to write the contract terms on."

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

The North Portico of the White House runs away crying.