Corporate Politicking Aficionado T-Shirts

"Swinging into action is the easy part. It's the waiting that gets you."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Sir Winston Churchill

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

That's What Happens

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

Water company bonus.

Thesaurus Company

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

Scapegoat of the Year

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"You're a shark! You're a killer! Nothing can stop you! Now get back in that boardroom and apologize."

"Wait -- I have an app that creates a napkin to write the contract terms on."

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

Legalish

Steve Bannon Loves That Donald Trump Exists Outside Linear Time