Office Politics Aficionado Gifts

Man looking at a 'organization chart' where he is depicted at the bottom

"Just relax completely..don't worry if you don't understand everything, that will just be because you're stupid."

"You're late."

"You scratch my back, I'll scratch your is just a figure of speech, Ned. A little left, and higher."

'If you can keep your trap shut, Furgis, you might be promoted to silent partner.'

"Look, I'm for an orderly transfer of power, but all those who want me to resign immediately raise their shoe."

'No, we haven't made a decision on your promotion. We're still looking for a reason to deny it.'

"The last good idea my boss had was mine!"

"Actually, we don't have any openings. I'm just interviewing to keep my skills sharp."

"I like Simpson."

"Take a letter to upper management, Miss Thurgood. . . Dear sirs, getting fired can work both ways."

'That's Coleman. He's as honest as they come, which is why we never tell him what we're doing.'

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

'It's great to have a scapegoat, fall guy and a whipping boy all rolled into one.'

Scapegoat: In case of emergency

"My definition a leader is any human who does exactly as I ask without complaining."

"Oh hi Jeff, we would have invited you to this meeting but we don't like you!"

"Stop complaining. Why can't you be more like Puskin? Say, you're Puskin, aren't you?"

Office Busybody

'So he eats the odd secretary. He is one hell of an actuary and I intend to make him a partner!'

The buck stops with Willoby, my fall guy.

'Call back some other time. I'm awfully busy ignoring you.'

'Because of the reorg you are now working for me.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"This shark has to devour all its siblings in the womb, just to be born. If that's not an inspirational message for our workers, I don't know what is."

"I will not explain to your mother why you did not get the promotion."

"Congratulations. I'm promoting you from 'Yes Man' to 'Vice President in Charge of Affirmation.'"

"This is tempting, but it may come back to bite us."

Scapegoat of the Year

"I'm not one to point the finger - I keep Henderson here to do that."

"Congratulations, Jim! Here's the key to the executive restroom. The mop and bucket are over there. Be sure to return the key when you're finished."

"OMG, not the Milton Fernby of Accounting?!"

"All our staff are equal, but the ones with qualifications are more equal than others."

'She is at least fair - she talks down to everyone.'

"Sure I don't pay you much. That's what makes your job secure."