Corporate Gala Gifts

"The Duke and Duchess of A.T. & T., the Count and Countess of Citicorp, the Earl of Exxon, and the Marchioness of Avco. The Duke of Warnaco..."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Inclusive speech

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

Sales chart is buildings in background.

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."