Corporate Culture Comics Pillows

Other than the water cooler and the soda machine, can you operate other office equipment?

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

Greed.

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

'This is the latest management structure...It'll help you see where you fit in...'

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

"We're still the same, great company we've always been, only we've ceased to exist."

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

Body Language Expert - 'You don't like your job do you?'

'I'll be a little late with those reports, sir -- my desk organizer crashed.'

"Hold your questions until I've talked so long no one knows or cares what you're asking about."

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

'This company wants someone who can screw the clients but who is quite happy to be screwed by me.'