Corporate Conformist Gifts

"The thing about innovation, new ideas and change is that it needs to be carefully considered, vetted and fall within corporate governance before being implemented."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

'You're developing a reputation as something of a cowboy, Henderson.'

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

Do not think outside the box!

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

With-it Woman

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

'Downsizing through attrition will work if enough employees will cooperate and die.'

He liked his communication soft and cuddly.

Profit can be a silly thing, but your boss thinks it is everything.

"It's really a lateral transfer, Crampton, From 'Nobody' to 'Flunkie'."

Man prays: 'Lord help me to be humble, and I want that by 10am Monday.'

"I love meetings"

'Perhaps we would be better off with fewer fans on Facebook and Twitter, and more on Visa and Mastercard!'

'Well, if you consider normal corporate surveillance, interrogation, and harassment 'union-busting,', nothing I have to say will change your mind.'

'This bottle stainless steel cleaner...if it's stainless...why would you need a cleaner?'

"I got tired of being called a suit."

I though I could depend on you Foster - and now you come in here and ask for a rise!

Headphones Strip 18: Shared profits

"Any thoughts on how we might mark black history month?"

'Hi Mr Miller, this is the employee opinion poll. Here's the question: 'Do you love your job, your boss and the company?' For answer A, 'Yes, I do and I want to do much more unpaid overtime', please press 1. For answer B, 'No, I don't and you can fire me'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

'Your opinions are a rephrasing of my opinions. I like that in a subordinate.'

Input (not yours) and Output (only mine).

"The raise I'm asking for isn't just about me. It's about shrinking the income gap."

'No, man, I don't know where you're coming from. But if I had to guess, I'd say the early Seventies.'

'Attention - we're combining our anti-viral and anti-bacterial placebo divisions immediately.'