Corporate Believer Gifts

Man prays: 'Lord help me to be humble, and I want that by 10am Monday.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

The MBA Draft

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

'The the President we've gone surfin', surfin' U,S,A,'

'I hate his kind. They use their integrity and hard work to advance their careers.'

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

"Worst breach of corporate dress code I've ever witnessed."

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

Genius

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"I appreciate your vision and work ethic but I have a budget. How much would it cost for your vision without work ethics?"

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

'I say, let's not be hasty in enforcing the mandatory retirement age.'

"Leadership is about more than delegating all of your work."

'Yeah, he was a good boss, and we'll miss him. Somebody kick his briefcase down there, too.'

"Anyway, we'd love to have You on board for the Creighton deal."

'They say money can't buy happiness. Find out what can.'

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

"I'm not asking for a raise. All I'm asking for is a little warmth and human understanding."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

Corp H.Q. In the corporate world, do you it's what you know or who you know? Neither, it's what you know about who.

Directors Meetings - Please do not disturb.

'We are in a race against time and the auditors. Gentlemen...start your shredders!'

"No, no - I'm just looking for a balance of power that corrupts in moderation."

'It's not just a job. It's about being part of something bigger than yourself.'

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."