Corporate Complainant Pillows

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"Providing great customer care is of course important, but shall we start with how you manage forms TG-45S through to NSD-89b."

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

Complaints Desk

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'Good - we're finally all on the same rampage.'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"That's the Ommbudsman."

Corporate person hood!

We should promote many of our staff to management positions...

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

'It's Mr. Stebbins...he's getting back to you with a vengeance.'

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

It was supposed to be a friendly takeover?

"A motion to democratize the board has been made and quashed."

Lining our pockets since 1987.

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

Wal Max - Complaints Department

Input (not yours) and Output (only mine).

'And I don't appreciate being left on hold,with Motorhead's 'The ace of spades'!'

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

"...I think this is because we forgot to hire some workers."

No to Greed

'... And I don't like the way you talk about corporate greed as though it's a bad thing!'

"Generics of generics -- that's the way we'll go."