Coping With University Disruption Gifts

"I'm home after enduring the trauma of the university closing due to Covid-19 and all you can say is "get a Job"...?!"

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Postgraduates A group of posts on their way to class.

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

A boy is sat at a desk, with five plaques implying different qualifications he has earned from using social media.

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Good Luck!

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000... Congratulations, and thanks for the $86,000...

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

'Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study.'

School holidays

"Be afraid to try new things!"

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'