Cooking Fail Fan Pillows

'Today I discover fire, tonight she burns dinner.'

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

Disaster in the kitchen.

It's all gravy.

'My French is not so good.'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

Lumberjack's Epic Fail

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Cook Book. The cookbooks are just Ernie's way of shifting the blame.

'That's weird. All this fortune cookie says is 'look out!''

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

"Say hello to my little friend!"

"Of course it tastes like chicken. That's why it's called the 'tuna surprise'."

Nigella Lawson

"Are you still waiting for the pancake to come down?"

'Do you do the squished up little balls that taste of fish - or are you the wrong ethnicity?'

What do you mean it's not vegetarian? The maggots all jump out...

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

"Well, I just assumed you wanted your toast like your coffee."

Operating table.

"No, he isn't choking. He coughed."

"Mr. Saltee"

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'

'Before I bring it in,darling-don't forget you married JANIE Oliver and not Jamie!'

'How was the snapper, sir?'

"Iron Chef, my ass!"

A man and a woman on a date have a fish head and tail for dinner.

"Gesundheit!"

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

Sloppy Joes.

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

"...I'm sick of having to remove the bones."

Roman Noodles

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'How many times did I tell you 'Don't eat the free samples given out on the street!'?'