Cookie Critic Pillows

Unpopular Christmas cookie shapes.

"I don't know - none of these cookies offer an engaging brand narrative."

"The cookies are always stale."

I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 mouth guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the girl scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... ten? I hate myself for not

The cookies improve, or it's coal next year.

'I think you're better off avoiding fortune cookies entirely.'

Inedible foods: Concrete cookies.

'Kevin's Mom makes wonderful cookies. Let's go over to Eddie's house. His Mom makes wonderful lemonade.'

'These fortune cookies are outdated. They quote Greenspan instead of Bernanke.'

'These are Trans-Fat free, right?'

'I'd ask if you liked the cookies, grandma, but my mom says there's no pleasing you.'

"The fact that your husband criticized your cookies makes it a kind of suicide!"

"You said you were chocolate chip. Now all I can taste is raisin!"

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

"Sis, my teacher said to list the four food groups. . . but I can only think of three. Cookies, candy and ice cream!"

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

Baking

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"I knew we'd eventually catch him. He can't run and run as fast as he once did."

You know, the snowballs we get in the summer are better. They're flavored!

'It'll never work. I'm reading 'Of Mice And men' and you haven't even gotten through 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie,.'

Miracle Mom #5,293

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

Instant Gratification Cafe.

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

"Made with a little extra TLC – and THC for good measure."

'Prepare to meet your maker!'

"Roadkill cookies"