Cookie Crack-up Mugs

You Will Eat A Fortune Cookie.

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

"Ninja bread men"

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'The roof needs icing.'

Miracle Mom #5,293

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"When I gave up cookies for the period of fasting called Lent, I thought it would be an hour, like the period of school called math."

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"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

"We're wasting our time. He gets them free at work."

"But I'm conducting an experiment: will the twentieth cookie taste as good as the first?"

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

"I said hot, boiling oil! Not cold, refreshing milk!"

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"

"So which one of you pesky dogs stole the last cookie from the bottom of the jar?"

"The cookies are always stale."

'Santa, don't believe him. He's the one who ate the cookies and milk last year.'

'Because it's there!'

"I only surf the web for the Java and cookies."

It had been a good life, filled with passion and joy, tender bonds, and finally one irretrievable error.

Cookie Thief

'They got me for trespassing, grand theft cookie and trafficking Xboxes across state lines.'

"For God's sake, Michelangelo, it's just a cookie!"

'These fortune cookies are outdated. They quote Greenspan instead of Bernanke.'

Santa's Nightmares

I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 mouth guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the girl scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... ten? I hate myself for not

Animal Crackers. Free-range animal crackers.

Dr. Frankenstein: 'Heyyyy, What THE...?!'

He's Tasty!

Unpopular Christmas cookie shapes

12;24. 11:15. 11:45. I can't continue to tell Mrs. Claus the fib that I hardly ever eat the cookies that are left out for me. She figured out how to hack into security camera streams all over the world last year.

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof, you've got a nasty case of gingivitis, and to ice things off... yeast confection."