Cook-off Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Why do you always have to be so competitive?'

Domestic Goddess.

"You're worried about salmonella? We're vultures for cripes sake!"

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'Has anybody seen the flyswatter?'

A Creature WAS Stirring

'A hacker broke into our computer and, in an act of human kindness, deleted your mother's recipe for peppers and meat loaf.'

The First Steak.

Beauty and the Baste

What if they held a chili cookoff, & nobody came!

"Now make sure your heat is high enough to sear your putrid meat quickly."

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

Microwave. Do you have any idea of the time pressure I'm under?

'How do you like the souffle?' - 'Great, will you give me the blueprint?'

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

'...tail of cat..tongue of toad and a good pinch of monosodium glutamate...'

'I tried, Larry, but I guess that whole 'watched pot never boils' stuff was just a lie! Larry?'

"...and what has my culinary genius conjured up to delight my taste buds tonight?"

Swiss Kitchen

Mary Berry

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

'We need more cake shows!'

"When did they add this channel?!"

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

'Can I start you off with a nice soup bone?'

"And there it is... Coronation chicken"