Conversation Curators Pillows

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

"Could I ask just one question?"

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Misunderstood artist

The Kitchen area of a Whitechapel Boarding House

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

The Rise of Modern Art

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

Convenience.

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Frederic Auguste Bartholdi

Three street vendors sit side by side selling their art; two of the vendors are selling normal paintings while the third is a Neanderthal selling cave paintings.

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

Redecorating Easter Island.

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"It's Chicken Mole!"

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

"Typical venue, just providing male washroom facilities!"

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."