Curating Pillows

Kenneth Clark

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

Night-time halo

'It's a Joan Biro.'

TV-Man

The Kitchen area of a Whitechapel Boarding House

Misunderstood artist

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

Priest

Convenience.

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Frederic Auguste Bartholdi

The Rise of Modern Art

Three street vendors sit side by side selling their art; two of the vendors are selling normal paintings while the third is a Neanderthal selling cave paintings.

Board Game Hunter

The ecumenical dinner party.

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

"It's Chicken Mole!"

Art of Surviving

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

Redecorating Easter Island.

"Typical venue, just providing male washroom facilities!"

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"When it's that old, you don't need to add 'A.D.' or 'B.C.'"

'Thank goodness next week we'll be in a new dynasty and we can make some other style of pottery.'

Closed for Renovation

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"