Convention Challenger Gifts

Couples: 'This weekend, for a change, I'd like to flout convention.'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"Pssst! Do you have anything on American history?"

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

Alternative Medicine

Do not think outside the box!

Freedom of Speech

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

"I'm looking for loopholes."

No, you tell him the computer says he's wrong!

'They sent me home from school because my lunch was out of compliance.'

'I understand about strangers, but is it okay to take candy from Federal agents?'

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

'This is a coffee break, Caldwell -- Get rid of that damn teapot!'

"Boy, the sooner she realises the only authority I obey is the Bible, the better!"

"As board members, we need to speak with one voice, I'm suggesting Donald Duck."

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

"A fire-breathing dragon represents the conflict you have with the Lord of the Manor."

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

Know Know

'You're under arrest for disturbing the peace.'

The Power of the Pen

Boot shiner puts a smiley on a policemen's boot.

Redaction: The pen is mightier than the word

If they sentence me, I'll simply pay to refurbish the penitentiary. It will be my own little six star hotel!

'This is his diary... Listen: 'Polar Circle, 8th of December. I still don't believe in Global warming...' '

ASBOs

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

'Would it be more economical for them to develop their own comparable product, or steal the competition's formulae and fight it out in the courts?'

"Says WHO?"